That is an observation that I made that literally changed my outlook on success and how I was going about attaining it. This saying is in direct relation to the old “its not what you know, its who you know”.
As a kid, my mother would tell me to watch who I hung around, because they could rub off on me. I had no idea what she was talking about at the time. I thought that I was completely in control of my thoughts, actions, and circumstances. But like all teenagers, I was naive.
Guilty by Association
People will oftentimes associate your behaviors and thoughts with the people you hang out with. If you are in a group of individuals who look like ex-convicts or drug users, people will automatically judge you to be an ex-convict or drug user. Why else would you be in such a group if you all werent like minded? Law enforcement calls guilt by association “accomplice liability”. If you are driving your car and your passenger was in illegal possession of drugs or a firearm without your knowledge, the police could nail you for their actions. For one person to “judge a book by its cover” is unfair, but to do so is built into our socio-evolutionary design. As we go through our day, we come across hundreds if not thousands of people. Our brains are hardwired to make snap judgments based on compulsive evidence (“he’s in a really nice suit and on his cell phone, must be somebody important” or, “shes wearing a really short skirt and her breasts are popping out of her top, she must be ‘easy'”). We do the same when it comes to group identity.
Group Identity
The best place to see how group identity works is a high school lunchroom. Each group or “tribe” is separated by similarities in thought, activity, and interest. All the nerds, the football, basket ball and Lacrosse players, the “preps”, the “goths”, and the “thugs” all share qualities and traits that are associated with the group as a whole. For the nerd to leave his tribe and join another, her must take on the qualities of his new tribe (assimilation), or he wouldnt be accepted. Thats why we automatically judge others based on the group they are in; because if he didnt possess qualities similar to the rest of the group, then he wouldnt be a part of that group.
Frottage
The good news about group identity is that it works both ways. In other words, by associating yourself with the rich, famous, or important, others will bestow the same admiration and access upon you. In Gretchen Rubin’s book, Power Money Fame Sex: A User’s Guide
But theres more to achieving success and building your net worth than just hanging around people who have done so. The value in your association with the powerful and the successful comes from your access to their formula for achievement. You are able to consult them for advice, pick their brains for knowledge, and gain access to places, events, and their network of even more influential people. How valuable would it be to be mentored by a millionaire?
Or to be able to call up Donald Trump and ask for advice on an investment real estate purchase? Or to practice with Tiger Woods? Or to shadow the CEO of a large company? You get the idea!
Just as I talked earlier about assimilation, you will have to change some of your characteristics in order to sit at the power player’s lunch table. Make a list of characteristics that people share in the field that you wish to be successful in, and align yourself with those things. For instance;
- Where do they eat lunch?
- What books do they read (hint: see Required Reading)
- What do they do in their free time?
- Where do they shop and how do they dress?
- How do they get their news and information?
If you know that golf is a favorite passtime of your desired network, learn to play the game and ask for advice from them! They will take you under their wing, since you have given them an ego boost by acknowledging their “talent”. While they are coaching you, you can bring up last night’s CNBC special on India’s emerging economy proving to your new network that either you are one of them or a qualified to be one of them. Now youre being invited to join them for drinks at their favorite watering hole and BAM!, youre in.
In a Nutshell:
- If you want to improve your chances of success, change your social circle
- To be, you must become
- You can either control your network, or it will control you image and destiny
- Remember the Law of Attraction
: Like Attracts Like!
Successful people have learned to define their place in the social order. Whether you wish to become a CEO, or writer, or dancer, or entrepreneur, this formula will help you align yourself with the people who can make your desired outcome a reality.
World Domination with Arthur Pledger 